Many times when I ask guys how they are doing, I get that one word answer “fine” or “great.” But do they really mean it? Or are they just trying to steer clear from the overwhelming issues in life?
Gary Hoffman, founder of Men on the Edge and author of "Don’t Give Up!" helps us understand men better and ways for men to better deal with problems in their marriage.
According to Hoffman, most men are ignoring the major issues in their marriage and their life. Sometimes, they won’t even recognize them until the pain is so great that they are forced to take action. In addition, men usually don’t even know what the major problems are.
Many of these issues require change, which can be scary for anyone as they are going down an unfamiliar path. Hoffman says sometimes counseling and connecting with other men who are going through the same thing is a great help to adapting to new lifestyles.
Hoffman says it is also common to see men not take responsibility for their problems, especially in marriages.
“Rarely will men focus on their part and solely blame their spouse for any marital problems. However, the healthy way is to simply take responsibility. Not only will men feel better, but their relationship will improve and become stronger then ever.”
Not only will he fail to take his share of the blame, but at times a man will become critical of his wife strictly because she can’t meet all of his needs. Hoffman says that in this situation the man is setting himself up for disappointment. It’s similar to the old adage, “Nobody's perfect.” She is not perfect, and he certainly isn’t either! When it comes to marriage, both men and women have to remember it’s a team effort. Although they might not be perfect as individuals, together they can live in perfect harmony.
In Hoffman’s book, he also talks about how men can often be insecure and live superficial lives. They keep problems hidden from everyone and allow them to build up until they can no longer be ignored. However, nobody was meant to go through life alone.
“To have a healthy and balanced life, we all need to share openly and honestly with others. Allowing problems to fester can cause a large amount of undue stress that can easily be avoided.”