(WXYZ) - It can be one of the most painful or one of the most joyful experiences of your life. A local couple tried just about everything to have a child until they had a chat that changed their life forever.
Like many couples John and JoAnne Graham’s story is pretty typical. They met, fell in love, and married. Then they began trying to have a baby.
JoAnne Graham: "We just assumed it would be within a few months."
But it didn’t turn out that way.
John Graham: “It never even popped into our minds that there would be a problem.”
The problem was JoAnne had endometriosis, a condition that can make women infertile.
JoAnne Graham: “Sometimes it causes infertility, and sometimes it doesn’t.”
JoAnne had surgery to correct the problem and her doctor put her on fertility drugs, but a couple of years passed and still no baby.
JoAnne: “You wonder if it’s ever going to happen for you.”
They continued to try as they watched friends and family have kids of their own.
JoAnne: “We started to close ourselves off…”
John: “We didn’t want to be around anybody with kids…”
The joy others experienced became a painful reminder of what John and JoAnne wanted but couldn’t have.
John: “Unless you go through something like this, you just won’t understand what it’s like.”
They turned to those who would.
John: “I found it very validating, hearing someone else, a guy going through the same thing, like saying the same thing I was thinking.”
They began going to Resolve, a support group at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak for infertile couples. It is a national organization with meetings all over the country.
Dr. Michael Diamond: “Infertility is much more common than anybody would expect.”
Dr. Michael Diamond is the director of the Reproductive Endocrinology and Fertility Division at Wayne State University. He says about one in six couples in the U.S. are infertile. But with advances in medicine, many couples can get help.
Dr. Michael Diamond: “Often there are things that we can offer to be able help them be able to conceive and have a healthy baby.”
The Centers for Disease Control studies show more and more couples are seeking help. In 1996, about 65,000 couples used some form of fertility treatment and 10 years later that number more than doubled to over 140,000.
Talking with other couples at Resolve and a fertility doctor convinced John and JoAnne to try in vitro fertilization.
John: “They say if you do in vitro, you should be willing to do it three times.”
In vitro is when the woman’s eggs are harvested and fertilized in a petri dish. Once the eggs become embryos, the doctor places them in the women’s uterus, and everyone hopes for the best.
JoAnne: “You’re still playing the odds. I mean its still maybe a 60 to 65 percent success rate.”
The Grahams tried the $15,000 procedure twice at a local clinic and both times it failed.
Diana: “What’s it like, JoAnne, to get the bad news?”
JoAnne: “You try not to get discouraged, but it’s hard not to.”
But they heard that some couples in their support group were having success with in vitro at a Colorado clinic. But traveling out of state at first sounded excessive.
John Graham: “We said we would never do that.”
But after rethinking things, and badly wanting a child, the couple headed to the Rocky Mountain State to try for a third time. About 10 days later the clinic called.
John Graham: “They just said, ‘We’ve got good news.’ I said, ‘That’s all I need to know.’ ”
Elated, the Grahams celebrated.
John Graham: “We went and got ribs.”
JoAnne: “We did?”
Their daughter Erin is now five years old. And her little brother Will came along three years later after doing in vitro again in Colorado.
Diana: “What would you tell anyone at home who wants to have a child and they’re having problems?”
JoAnne: “It just gets harder the older you get. Don’t wait.”
Click here for more information about the infertility support group Resolve
