WEST BLOOMFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. (WXYZ) — As America’s population ages, many adult children find themselves unexpectedly responsible for caring for their parents after a medical emergency, fall or diagnosis.
According to metro Detroit geriatric consultant Alyssa Goldberg, too many families are forced to make critical decisions without a plan in place.
“We just don’t talk about it enough because it’s not pretty,” Goldberg said.
Goldberg, who has spent more than 35 years working with older adults and their families, describes the challenges surrounding elder care as a silent epidemic.
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She said adult children often struggle to navigate complex medical, financial and care giving decisions because they do not know what questions to ask or where to find help.
“The diagnosis is adult children dealing with aging parents, and the solutions are many,” Goldberg said. “You don't want the storm and then the tsunami. You want the calm weather because when the tsunami happens, then you make decisions in haste, and they're immediate that you can't take back.”
Drawing on both her professional experience and her own journey caring for her mother at a young age, Goldberg wrote the book "When the Botox Fades" as a resource for families facing the realities of aging and care giving.
She encourages families to begin discussing future care needs long before a crisis occurs.
“The conversation starts when you are in your 20s or 30s, starting out your life or having children, while your parents are in their 50s and 60s,” Goldberg said. “You have that conversation because you honor your parents.”
Those discussions, she said, should include legal, financial and medical planning, including powers of attorney, advanced directives and identifying trusted advocates.
“Things you would never think to sit and talk to your parents about," Goldberg said. “Let’s put it in writing, and let’s make sure we have all of our things in order."
For Michele Gilbert, those preparations became important when her mother suffered a second stroke in 2021 and spent several weeks in the hospital.
“It was really sad because my mom was really independent, and it just became the scariest moment for our family because she needed to come out of the hospital, and we didn’t know how to take care of someone 24/7,” Gilbert said.
Gilbert said the pressure of quickly learning how to manage her mother’s care felt overwhelming. Goldberg helped guide the family through the process, including finding an assisted living facility for her mother.
“Alyssa was our saving grace,” Gilbert said.
Now, Gilbert encourages others to start preparing before they are faced with a similar situation.
“Do yourself a favor and do one small step,” she said. “It might be picking up a book, it might be listening to a podcast, it might be going to a free seminar just to learn and to be around people who are experiencing similar things."
Goldberg hopes families understand that planning for aging is not about expecting the worst but about being ready for whatever comes next.
“It’s not to be depressing or sad,” she said. “It’s so that we have a plan.”
Click here for more information about elder care resources and planning for aging parents.
